For nearly a decade, Ethel and Lucy* presented themselves as ‘just roommates.’ The legalization of same-sex marriage presented a newfound freedom in the eyes of the law. People all over the country fought for and celebrated marriage equality, but it’s not often that we get the opportunity to hear the personal stories of ordinary couples. Being unable to marry the person you love is definitely a struggle, but Ethel and Lucy made the best of what they had.
They met in 1990; “We met at a camp where we were both counselors, in Mount Pleasant, Michigan. We lived across the hall from each other.”
That six-week summer camp started a spark that led to marriage, but it was not always a simple choice to be together.
“Part of me wanted to be [together], and part of me was freaked out about it,” Lucy said. “And when I went through that really, really hard time, I joke about how every day, I wanted to talk to my best friend about it; How horrible this was and this was just terrible, and she was my best friend.”
This hard time lasted a while, but Ethel waited as she said she would and, eventually, they tried again.
“She didn’t give up on the fact that we could maintain a relationship, and she said that she would wait while I figured things out,” Ethel said.
Both Ethel and Lucy experienced positivity and encouragement when they came out to their families. At this point, they had been living together in Berkeley, Michigan, for seven years. The push to open up about their relationship came from a close family member.
“My dad wrote me a letter and said, ‘I think there’s something unspoken between the two of you’, but the funny part was where I was like, ‘so now we’re going to have the conversation about being gay,’ and Ethel asked, ‘Are you sure that’s what he’s talking about?’ I said, ‘Yes, it is.’”
Although coming out was a big step, getting officially married was still not an option. The couple spoke about friends who travelled to other states to get married, as there were varying regulations across the country, but they waited until it was possible close to home.
Reflecting on this change in the law, Lucy explained, “I think for me, the legality of medical things just felt so much better.”
In the past, there was some uncertainty about their freedoms as a gay couple in the medical realm.
“That was always kind of a scary thing,” Lucy said. “What if she was in the hospital and something happened, would they kick me out of the room? Hearing about other people that have gone through that, where they weren’t allowed to go and see their spouse that they had been with for 60 years, who died alone [was scary].”
Ethel and Lucy got married on their 25th anniversary. Lucy recalls that it was the “best wedding ever.” While they have been married for years now, the current administration has spoken against LGBTQ rights in the past, potentially raising concerns regarding their rights.
“I don’t think I worry about it a lot until somebody else brings it up or I hear something,” Ethal said. “I refuse to be afraid of it every day. I feel like I can let myself go there, you know? Roe versus Wade got overturned, like, crazy stuff happens, but I can’t imagine that they could illegalize [same-sex marriage].”
Lucy agreed.
“I don’t think a whole lot about them undoing it. I guess we would just have to cope with it if they did,” Lucy said.
From being counselors together at a summer camp to being married with 3 children, Ethel and Lucy continued to fight for their right to be together. There will always be people who have opposing views on the way the world should be, how people should act, and what should be a legal right, but Ethel and Lucy make a point of being content with who they are.
“I am. I am now, whether my neighbor agrees with it or not, it doesn’t matter,” Lucy said.
*Ethel and Lucy are anonymous names that the couple requested to go by.
