All I ever do is play follow the leader. If my younger sister wants a pretzel, we go find a pretzel place. If she wants to go shopping, we go shopping. If she wants to ride that roller coaster, we go and ride it. Anything she wants, she gets. My older sister is the role model I must live up to. Get good grades. Go to college. Be more like her. She is so independent and lives up to the oldest child standards. Me, I follow. I get dragged around. I’m pushed around. I’m the middle child.

Being a middle child can be hard in a family of five. The oldest sibling has sky-high expectations and is expected to do well in everything. The youngest sibling can just live life and see where the water takes them. The middle sibling is expected to be just like the oldest sibling. It’s hard to keep being your true self while being pushed around. My parents didn’t expect me to be just like my older sister, but I could always tell I wasn’t enough.

I had good grades, athleticism, and I always pushed myself even when I felt burned out. But I felt like I was still letting my parents down. Now that my older sister is in college and my younger sister is joining me in high school, I feel like I have to be the best version of myself, or even better than that so I can be the best role model for my younger sister. I want to be like my older sister in a way. I want people to hear my voice like they do with my younger sister.

I remember when we went on a family vacation, and the only thing I wanted to do was to play mini golf. We play mini golf on every family vacation except for this one. It wasn’t the best weather, but there were three or four sunny days, and my idea was rejected. There was no discussion about it. My younger sister didn’t want to go, so we didn’t. I felt my voice was being pushed away into the shadows, and I was hurt.

I went to a rodeo, to a mall, and to an ice cream shop that she picked out. I was willing to go even though I didn’t want to go. Although I had a decent time, my one request wasn’t even an option. In that moment, I felt like an ant in the world. I know my family loves me, and they didn’t want to kick me to the side, but a hole was created in my heart. My voice was lost.

When you’re the middle child you never fully get to be in the spotlight.You are either being compared with your older sibling or getting your ideas shut down by the younger sibling. Every once in a while, it’s your time to step into the spotlight. That is your moment and time to shine. You get to pick what to eat, where to go, and what rides to ride. You finally reach or go beyond your oldest sibling’s achievements. Those moments make a difference. You feel heard, seen, and like you matter. 

A day I felt like I mattered was when everyone I know and love came to my soccer game. Soccer is a huge part of my life, and I love it so much that I can’t live without it. Seeing people at those games when I invited them, I felt special. They took time out of their day to see me do what I love. Being supported was my time to shine. There are many more moments I felt like I mattered, and there are many that I haven’t.

Being a middle child is like an elevator. Your life goes up and down. You only get so many chances to be in the spotlight, and you need to seize every moment. Own your time. Be yourself. I’m the middle child.