When I moved to the US, I knew I was leaving a part of me behind in Canada. Aside from the bagged milk and beaver tails, I was walking away from the life my grandma built for my family.
After immigrating to Canada in 1987 to escape the Sri Lankan civil war, my appamma (grandma) was forced to start from scratch to provide for her family. She worked as a guidance counselor at a local high school, all while taking care of her husband who suffered from depression and rheumatoid arthritis for most of his time in Canada. Through all the turmoil, she managed to raise her youngest son into my dad. She did so well that 34 years later, he had to move to the US to continue his job.
Of course, living alone in an apartment as an 80-year-old woman can get difficult. Her support system was moving 4 hours south. So, instead of abandoning her, my dad came up with a solution; a wellness check. Not only for me to check up on her wellbeing, but to get to know my appamma, to appreciate everything she’s sacrificed for us, no matter how far we’ve come. He suggested a simple phone call once each night. Of course, I was skeptical at first. Aside from our occasional weekend visits, I didn’t understand her world in the slightest. What conversations could I possibly come up with an 80-something year old woman, let alone every single day? Did she know how to work a phone? Did she even have a phone? I apprehensively agreed, though our first call was awkward at best.
“Hi appamma..” I mumbled.
“Hi my darling! How are you?”
“I’m good. OK, goodnight.”
I was at a loss for words, evidently. I wasn’t sure how to talk to the most revered woman in my family. As a Hindu, we’re taught to regard our elders with deep respect and honor. More than grandparents, they are closer to spiritual guides. Was I scared of her? Or just an awkward 14-year-old?
With my dad’s encouragement, I persisted. And soon enough, I went from taciturn to talkative in a matter of days. I realized my nightly calls with my appamma became the sanctuary I needed to process the move and the craziness of America. She listened to my troubles with school and making friends, my AP exam studying, and my pre-golf tournament scaries. At the same time, she opened up as well; her exercise class gossip, her technology difficulties, and her friends dying. I was there for it all.
Today, 4 years into adjusting to the new country, I still call my appamma every night. I’ve found growth and security in myself, and I can credit it all to my nightly lessons. While I left a part of me in Canada, I found another; one where I build a life for myself with appamma by my side.
